Simpsons/Futurama/Family Guy: Quotes

[METAL_MULISHA13]

Hahaha, ok..ok....ok...ok..........ok......hmm...ok......o k, ok, so your saying? hahahaah thats a good one haha

Ohh hello i didnt see you there lol, post up funny moments of the simpsons! haha

Aight, i just watched 3 hours of Simpsons on FOX8 this morning, and i found an episode which i couldnt stop laughing about lol

Aight ill try and explain it lol....

Homer starts reading the daily newspaper. Then flicks to the "Free Stuff" page. As he was scanning thru it, there is an ad that says in bold "Free Trampoline"...Seconds later Homer Gasps and yells "Free TRAMBOPOLINE!!!!"

Hahahahahahahaahahahahahaahahahahahaha, thats bloody damn funny! hahahaha


And another, when Barts gets his Elaphant, lol....Kids come up to the door and say "Can we please see the Elaphant, we'll give you money?" Homer shuts the door, walks 3 steps, and says "This gives me an idea".....Minutes later he is hammering a sign saying "Go Away" Hahahah, geez he is such a fool! :p


Post some up guys! DMan iw ant to laugh, ive got soo many but it takes like 5 hours to type up hahahaha

Dool ---- M/M

[enslow]

wait till steve gets back...

I have never seen anyone watch so much simpsons...

cheers mate>>>>TOMMO

[Slur666]

i like the episode when they get the tennis court and moe says "here u go homer a lollie popper for you" and homer opens his pants and says "dont worry ive got this one in the bag" and he catches it in his pants and it hits him in the donger

[gazza]

HELP ME JEBUS!!!! lol, that is one of my favourites


Oh, and wen crusty is out of money, and tryin to get some, he has a sign, will pull pants down for money, Bart and Lisa come up and ask him how he is goin, he says not good, that guy is doin it for free, there is an old dude wid his pants down singin, the old grey mare she aint wot she used to be, aint wot she used to be........

Funny stuff!!

[Skeletor666]

lol mine is "Numer 8" that chinese lady. and brock that one is pretty smashing

[Slur666]

oh and in that same tennis episode marge and bart go in the car to go to the tennis comp and homer says "fine go on just go" and then he throws a rock and it hits the back windscreen and smashes and he runs inside and hides behind the curtains.

[mezza_fmx]

ralph when he saw miss krobople and mr skinner havn a root in the closet he goes to his mum n dad
principle skinner n miss kobople wer making babies in the closet and i saw one of the babies and the baby looked at me.

and the one where the teachers go on strike and tht lil girl is ont eh gymnastics rings and shes hanging there n saying
mrs pumblehoist!,mrs pumblehoist!..... id like to get down now

[Slur666]

oh and dont let me foget the episode where side show bob steps on all the rakes lol!!!

[yamaha_54]

i love the simpsons! its easly the best show on tv.
i have like 5 and a half pages of homer quotes lol
heres a few:

Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, youd step over your own mother just to get one! But you cant stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!

Im going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I wont be back for TEN MINUTES.

Bart, with $10,000, wed be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!

You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is never try.

Its not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.

[Mungoman45]

Originally posted by enslow
wait till steve gets back...

I have never seen anyone watch so much simpsons...

cheers mate>>>>TOMMO

Lol.....oh REALLY..... :p...man I'm gunna refrain myself and just carry on with some stuff I'm doin, otherwise I'll be here all night resiting quotes and NOTHIN'll get done :p....

I got Season 1, 2, 3 and 4 on DVD for Christmas....oh my rellies know me so well :p

You'll have to speak up....I'm wearing a towel.

[FREESTYLEMX17]

"each leap takes us closer to god""catch me god catch me" SPLAT "what did we do wrong"

"bart with $10.000 we could be millionaires, we could buy nething we wont, like happiness"

"if the tennis recquets dont get u the pool skimmer will"

"hu jass im look for a huge ass, some1 look in the toilets for a huge ass, im hu jass," " um sorry this is kinda a prank call gone worng""oh ok what a nice young boy"
there is so many i cant name them all

[fmx king]

post some ov the things that kid say like
my cats breath smells like cat food
my cats name iz mittins

[METAL_MULISHA13]

Hahahaha, f*ck lol.....This thread just went BOOM! haha, just like that....Like 10 posts in like 20 mins haha :D

MORE MORE MORE...im gunna watch some tomorrow morning and get some hahaahah

[ad_man53]

Originally posted by Slur666
oh and in that same tennis episode marge and bart go in the car to go to the tennis comp and homer says "fine go on just go" and then he throws a rock and it hits the back windscreen and smashes and he runs inside and hides behind the curtains. it the pom pom things off marges socks that he throws,

"i don't think they seen me"

[Skeletor666]

my fav one is where homer is learning to ride a 50's harley and he doesn't know how and he;s uses training wheels and then he flips it the bike goes through the roof of the house. it's way funnier ifu see it. hahahahahahahhaha

[gloverfmx411]

*****THE THOMPSONS*****

the bit where the guy is talking to homer about changing his name and homer doesnt answer back to him and stuff, its hardish to explain but its funny

[mezza_fmx]

hey i just found hundreds of quotes! from the whole simpson family(homer,marge,bart and lisa) tell me if yas want me to post them ALL up

[Slur666]

when the tractor keeps on rolling on top of him all the time and homer goes "gear shifter" to get it out of his gut.

thanks for the correction adman

[Skeletor666]

Originally posted by gloverfmx411
*****THE THOMPSONS*****

the bit where the guy is talking to homer about changing his name and homer doesnt answer back to him and stuff, its hardish to explain but its funny

lol i know that one. i love that part

[METAL_MULISHA13]

Originally posted by gloverfmx411
*****THE THOMPSONS*****

the bit where the guy is talking to homer about changing his name and homer doesnt answer back to him and stuff, its hardish to explain but its funny

hahaha, that one is siiiick hahahahahahahahahhahhah.

What about where Homer Just stands there and goes "Mmmmmm...something" Then starts drooling hahahaahahah, god damn hahahahahaha

[mezza_fmx]

i deleted my other one cuz i found better ralph quotes

RALPH WIGGUM QUOTES
MISS HOOVER: Now, take some paste and spread it on the construction paper... Ralph! Are you eating your paste?
RALPH: No Miss Hoover.

RALPH: Daddy, I'm scared. Too scared to wet my pants.

FLANDERS: Ralph, you're going to be on special teams.
RALPH: I'm special.

RALPH: You're going to heaven.

RALPH: Goodbye witches... thanks for not eating me!
CHIEF WIGGUM: Yeah, you hags are all right!

MISS HOOVER: I need a volunteer to present an oral report on Principal Skinner's life.
RALPH: Miss Hoover? Which one is oral?
MISS HOOVER: Out of your mouth Ralph.

MISS HOOVER: Volunteers? (pause) Thank you Lisa.
RALPH: No Miss Hoover, I'm Ralph.

RALPH: When I grow up I wanna be a principal or a caterpillar... I love you, Principal Skinner!

TESTING GUY: Here's your scientifically selected career.
RALPH: Salmon Gutter?

RALPH: Hi Super Nintendo Chalmers! (to Superintendent Chalmers)

RALPH: I ated the purple berries.
BART: How'd they taste Ralph?
RALPH: Oooo, ahhhhh, they taste like... burrrrning...

RALPH: Principal Skinner, I got carsick in your office.

RALPH: Ms. Hoover, the movie's over.
LISA: Where's Ms. Hoover?
GIRL: Hey, her car is gone.
RALPH: Maybe she drove to the moon.

RALPH: Daddy, when I grow up I wanna be just like you.
CHIEF WIGGUM: Better start eatin' kid.

RALPH: Look Big Daddy, it's Regular Daddy.

RALPH: Daddy, these rubber pants are hot.
CHIEF WIGGUM: You wear 'em till you learn, son.

RALPH: I'm pedaling backwards.

RALPH: My knob tastes funny
TESTING OVERSEER: Please refrain from tasting the knob.

RALPH: Miss Hoover? The floor is shaking.
MISS HOOVER: Ralph, remember the time you thought the --
(gusher explodes through the ceiling, taking Ralph with it)

RALPH: Can you open my milk mommy?
MISS HOOVER: I'm not mommy, Ralph, I'm Miss Hoover.

RALPH: Dear Miss Hoover, you have Lyme disease. We miss you. Kevin is biting me. Come back soon. Here's a drawing of a spirochete. Love, Ralph.

RALPH: Mrs. Krabapple and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and the baby looked at me.

RALPH: I dress myself.

MISS HOOVER: Now, take out your red crayons.
RALPH: Miss Hoover?
MISS HOOVER: Yes Ralph?
RALPH: I don't have a red crayon.
MISS HOOVER: Why not?
RALPH: I ate it.

RALPH: Mr. Simpson.. the tar fumes are making me dizzy.
HOMER: Yeah.. they'll do that.

RALPH: Hehe... it says choo-choo choose me... and there's a picture of a train!

RALPH: Was President Lincoln OK?

SERVANT: Your broth.. Mr. President.
RALPH: I ask for no broth! Away with you lest my cane find your backside!
SERVANT: Umm.. yes.

CHALMERS: Are these children as smart as they look?
PRINCIPAL SKINNER: Well, let's pick one at random... ummmm how about that one?
CHALMERS: You mean this boy here?
SKINNER: Nooo! Lisa Simpson.
CHALMERS: When was the Battle of New Orleans?
LISA: January 8th, 1815. Two weeks after the war ended.
CHALMERS: First rate.
RALPH: What's a battle?

RALPH: Then the doctor told me both my eyes were lazy. And that's why it was the best summer ever.

RALPH: Lisa!
LISA: Hi Ralph, you were great tonight.
RALPH: Awwww.. thanks.
LISA: I've got something for you.
RALPH: Let's be friends.... it says be and there's a picture of a bee on it!... hehe.
LISA: I thought you'd like it.

RALPH: I am so glad you cho-cho-chosed to come...
LISA: I think you should give that a rest Ralph.

RALPH: At least you guys are my friends... awwww...
CHIEF WIGGUM: Son, I know just how you feel. You've got a great little girl and the world's your oyster
RALPH: No dad, she made a fool out of me.
CHIEF WIGGUM: Hey! Come to think of it she did. Well, she didn't reckon with the awesome power of the Chief of Police... now... where did I put my badge? Hey! That duck's got it!... awww... c'mom... give it back...

PRINCIPAL SKINNER: Oh now we're into the dregs... here's Ralph Wiggum's entry. Pre-packaged Star Wars characters still in their display box? Are those the Limited Edition Action Figures?
RALPH: What's a diorama?

LISA: Sorry I....
RALPH: Leave me alone, I'm here to play George Washington!

SUNDAY SCHOOL TEACHER: Ralph, Jesus did not have wheels!

KRUSTY: What's your name son?
RALPH: Ralph!
KRUSTY: And is this your girlfriend Ralph?
RALPH: Yes! I love Lisa Simpson and when I grow up I'm going to marry her!
LISA: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

RALPH: I beat the smart kids! I beat the smart kids! (trips) Oooooh... I bent my wookie.

RALPH: My cat's breath smells like cat food.

RALPH: Miss Hoover, I glued my head to my shoulders.

RALPH: When I grow up I'm going to Bovine University.

RALPH: I ate all my caps...owww! (pop!)

RALPH: Will you cook my dinner for me? My parents aren't around and I'm not allowed to turn on the stove.

RALPH: Miss Hoover? There's a dog in the vent.
MISS HOOVER: Ralph, remember the time you said Snagglepuss was outside?
RALPH: He was going to the bathroom.

BART: Now is the winter of our discontent.
RALPH: Oh no! Run!

RALPH: Me fail english? That's unpossible.

RALPH: My face is on fire.

PRINCIPAL SKINNER: And now with a flute up his nose, Ralph Wiggum.
RALPH: *toot*
CHIEF WIGGUM: That's some nice flutin' boy.

RALPH: Somebody took my juice money.

RALPH: Ewwww, Daddy, this tastes like Gramma!

RALPH: What's for lunch tomorrow?
PRODUCER: Next.
RALPH: Chicken necks?

RALPH: The doctor said I wouldn't have so many nosebleeds if I kept my finger out of there.

RALPH: I heard your dad went in a restaurant and ate everything in the restaurant and they had to close the restaurant.

RALPH: And I want a bike... and... a monkey... and... a friend for the monkey...
HOSEY THE FIRE SAFETY BEAR: But you're not going to start any fires, are you little boy?
RALPH: At my house we call them "Uh-Ohs."

RALPH: My parents won't let me use scissors.
CHILDREN: Hahahahaha!
MISS HOOVER: The children are right to laugh at you Ralph. These things couldn't cut butter.

RALPH: Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee... owwwww I bit my tongue..

RALPH: Miss Hoover?
MISS HOOVER: Yes, Ralph, what is it?
RALPH: My worm went in my mouth and I then ate it, can I have another one?
MISS HOOVER: No Ralph there aren't anymore. Just try to sleep while the other children are learning.
RALPH: Oh boy Sleep! That's where I'm a Viking!

MISS HOOVER: Children, I won't be staying long. I just came from the doctor, and I have lyme disease. Principal Skinner will run the class until a substitute arrives.
RALPH: What's lyme disease?

MISS HOOVER: You see, class, my lyme disease turned out to be (spells it on the board) psychosomatic.
RALPH: Does that mean you're crazy?

RALPH: I look like cable TV! (After being soaked in fake blood)

SKINNER: And special awards go to the two students who obviously had no help from their parents: Lisa Simpson and Ralph Wiggum.
RALPH: I'm Idaho!
SKINNER: Yes, of course you are.

Hoover's class is reading essays entitled "The Happiest Day Of My Life."
RALPH: ... and when the doctor said I didn't have worms anymore, that was the happiest day of my life.
MISS HOOVER: Thank you, Ralph. Very graphic.

LISA: Hi, fellaaass.
CHUCK: (after she leaves) Love that chewing gum walk.
RALPH: Veerrrry Wrigley.

Hoover's class is taking a quiz...
RALPH: (whispering) Lisa, what's the answer to number seven?
LISA: (whispering) Sorry, Ralph. That would defeat the purpose of testing as a means of student evaluation.
RALPH: (pauses) My cat's name is Mittens.

Hoover's class is taking another quiz...
RALPH: (whispers) Hey, Alison: what's the answer to number nine?
ALLISON: (whispers) I can't tell you, Ralph.
LISA: (whispers) I can't tell you either, Ralph.
RALPH: (to Lisa) Leave me alone!

BART: Everybody! There's a monster on the side of the bus!
JIMBO: Hey! There's no monster.
RALPH: You're deceptive.

RALPH: I'm a dog! (as he spreads his peacock tail)

RALPH: Oooo, owwww, even my boogers taste spicy!

RALPH: (in a locker with Milhouse) We're a totem pole!

RALPH: I'm going to live with Underground Grandma!

RALPH: My sash says "Ultra-Man!" Haaaaaaaa-----ya!

RALPH: (To a wolf) Will you be my mommy? (Wolf picks him up and carries him off) You're breath smells like dead bunnies...

RALPH: (After getting thrown through a window) I'm a brick!

(Ralph is about to enter a door labeled "adult section)
BART: Uh uh!! You have to be four inches taller to go in the adult section!
RALPH: Ppppllllllleeeeeeaaaaaaaassssssseeeeee!
BART: Oh okay... But you have to stand on your toes.
(Ralph gleefully enters the room)
RALPH: Everybody's hugging!

RALPH: I dropped my popstickle in your toy chest.

RALPH: Bushes are nice because they don't have prickers, except when they do, and that one did, owww...

RALPH: That's where the leprachaun was and he told me to burn things.

RALPH: I'm a pop sensation!

RALPH: (after a rat takes Chief Wiggum's key) The pointy kitty took it!

RALPH: So, do you... like... stuff?

RALPH: (racing fruit on the bus) Go, banana!

RALPH: (to Marge) Your hair is tall, and pretty!
MARGE: Why thank you Ralph.
RALPH: (Marge puts her hand on Ralph's shoulder) Help! She's touching my special area!

RALPH: Wait mister! You're drinking a candle!

RALPH: Prinskipper Skippel... Primdable Skimpsker... I found something!
SKINNER: Ralph, that's your trough blade...
RALPH: And I found it!

RALPH: Slow down Bart, my legs don't know how to be as long as yours!

[Slur666]

the one how homer and marge are about to get convicted and she is about to wack them hammer and the judge comes back, grabs her arm and says "im back frommy vacation" and he puts the clown down and she says "but i was just about to make my convit......." and he stops her and says "THE CLOWN......IS DOWN" hahaha

[gazza]

Originally posted by Slur666
oh and dont let me foget the episode where side show bob steps on all the rakes lol!!!

Whack!! urrggghhh, Whack!! uurrggghhh.....

A very hard noise to write down, but i know what ya mean ;)

[METAL_MULISHA13]

How funny is the ep. where Ralph takes Lisa to the Krusty annerversary(sp) show, and Ralph says "Would you like a lick of ice cream Lisa?" Lisa says "no"...Wiggum - "Pass it over this way boy"....Ralph passes it over, and spills on Lisa's dress, wiggum says "Ohh, nothing gets chocolate out, see?" Hahahahaha, god damn, 2 in a row hahahahahhhahaahahhaha

[Skeletor666]

Originally posted by Slur666
the one how homer and marge are about to get convicted and she is about to wack them hammer and the judge comes back, grabs her arm and says "im back frommy vacation" and he puts the clown down and she says "but i was just about to make my convit......." and he stops her and says "THE CLOWN......IS DOWN" hahaha

lol thats one is heaps good and in it how the judge goes. that look reminds me of me when i was a little boy. and snake says did she just say she was a dude. funny stuff

[Slur666]

yeah that episode is a good one. also in that rake episode i like when home says "who wants to drive through that cactus patch;me me i do i do; NO!!!!; 3 againts 1"

[METAL_MULISHA13]

Ohh what about, Homer: "hey Coward, I challenge you to a gloveslap!" Then Snake goes, "would a coward do this?" And puts his hand down his shirt, and takes it out and says "bye" and waves....HAhahahahahahahaahhaha

And the one where Marge is trying to get this prison dude out of prison and there is Apu, sitting there ready to say something about the guy and says "He shot me 5 times in the chest, waited till the ambulance came, and then he ran like a deer"

hahahahahahahahahahaahahahahaahahahahahahahahaha

[METAL_MULISHA13]

Originally posted by Slur666
yeah that episode is a good one. also in that rake episode i like when home says "who wants to drive through that cactus patch;me me i do i do; NO!!!!; 3 againts 1"

Hahahahahahahahaahahhahahaahah, that ones a pissa! hahahaha.

What about the one where homer goes to Kent brockman "How do you come up with those sayings?" kent waits till the dudes tell him to say, the guy in the van says "I guess its my racquat"....Kent says "I guess im Iraqie"....Homer looks at him and says "Get off my property" Hhahaahah amen to that hahahahaahahahahahahahahahaahahaha

[Slur666]

bart planning to wet that girl who is smarter then lisa "ok so we wait outside with the hose and then when she comes out WE SOAK HE WITH THE HOSE leaving us relitivly dry-what do you mean relitivly?-well there is bound to be some splash back"

[BORN2RIDE]

Olddude: Whats wrong son
BART im looking for my grampa
OLDDUDE im ur grampa
BART no ur not
OLD DUDE can ur granpappie do this *starts doing a jig* "hay hou hi hou"

[gazza]

The one where the kids are snowed in at school, and the car that homer and flanders go to save them in is real ****ed, and he gets high off the fumes, and thinks flanders is a hot chick, hehe...

When Homer needs cash and steals stuff from flanders house.

[Skeletor666]

the one where they make a boy band and ther song is" yvan eht nioj"
and then lisa plays it backwards and it's propaganda saying join the navy.

[BORN2RIDE]

when the simpsons go 2 live on a farm and the tractor keeps fliping over on homer

[gazza]

Originally posted by Skeletor666
the one where they make a boy band and ther song is" yvan eht nioj"
and then lisa plays it backwards and it's propaganda saying join the navy.

Hehe Superliminal recruiting, Hey you!! Join the Navy :D

[BORN2RIDE]

Ralph: That's my swingset, and that's my sandbox. I'm not allowed to go in the deep end. And this is where I met the leprechaun.
Bart: Right, the leprechaun.
Ralph: He told me to burn things.

[BORN2RIDE]

Homer: There's your giraffe, little girl.
Ralph Wiggum: I'm a boy.
Homer: That's the spirit. Never give up

[Skeletor666]

when there stuck in the school and trying to drive there in flanders car and they hit something and homer says "Hope that was Flanders hehehe" and flanders is sitting next to him. and then at the end where the hampster is in the cage and rolls near skinner and skinner is in a sack that says dodge balls and he says" now Chew through my ball sack" and the hampster looks at him wierd and then wolls away i alwasy laugh at that bit

[BORN2RIDE]

Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal.
Homer: Heh heh heh. Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.

[BORN2RIDE]

Homer: Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals ... except the weasel.

[gazza]

Matt Groening is the man, wotta champ :D

[METAL_MULISHA13]

How about.

When Abe goes and gets Marges mum from the hospital, Abe gets on old lady in a wheel chair, marge goes that isnt my mum, and then Abe says, "ill be back in a jiffy" and the old lady goes "can i come too?"

And then homer winds up the window hahahaahahah

[FREESTYLEMX17]

Lisa: where's my chopper
Bart: i sent it to pick up ralph
Raplh walks into the room " i fell out 2 times"

[ad_man53]

we're stuck in the school, ARGH.
we're gonna miss christmas, ARGH.
I fixed the dvd, AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!

[gazza]

HOMER: oooooo I'm the jealousy bug, I'm gonna bite you!!

LISA: Dad, your a grown man!!

HOMER: I want to go home now.......

[FREESTYLEMX17]

Homer: OH i make people happy, im a the happy man with gum drop buttons who lives on lolly pop lannnnne."
"By the way i was being sarcastic"
Marge>"Der"

[BORN2RIDE]

Homer says when lisa ruins his bbq by wrecking the pig.
Its just a little dirty, its still good, its still good,
Its just a little slimey, its still good its its still good
its just a little airbourne its still good its still good

Mr burns :
i think ill give 1000000 dollars 2 charity, THE DAY PIGS FLY HAHAHAHAHA
[Pig flys past window]
Smithers: will u b giving that 1000000 to charity now sir
burns: NO

[BORN2RIDE]

any time hans moleman gets hurt

[FREESTYLEMX17]

When they go to the apple place Ned goes
"If its tangy and brown ur in cider town""If its sweet and yella u got juice there fella"

[BORN2RIDE]

All grampa related...

The last time the meteors came, we thought the sky was on fire. Naturally, we blamed the Irish. We hanged more 'n a few.

Now where's my card. Ok, I'm an elk, a communist, the president of the gay and ******* comittee for some reason, oh here it is. The Stone cutters.
Homer: Yes thank you dad. Lets go!.... I'll take this communist one too!

Well, whenever I'm confused, I just check my underwear. It holds the answer to all the important questions.

Mr. burns: so do u have a way to get rid of the protesters?
Grandpa: One way to get rid of them is to tell 'em stories that dont go anywhere. Like the time we went over to shelbyville during the war, I wore an onion on my belt....which was the style at the time...you couldnt get those white ones, you could only get those big yellow ones.................now where was I........oh yeah, the important thing was I was wearing an onion on my nelt, which was the style at the time, you couldnt get those... (trails off)

Lisa: I'm an ugmo.
Homer: Now, that's not true. You're cute as a bug's ear.
Lisa: Father's have to say that little stuff.
Homer: Dad, am I cute as a bug's ear?
Grandpa: No. You're homely as a mule's butt.
Homer: There. See?

Abe: That doll is EVIL, I tells ya. Evil! Eeeeeeviillll!!!
Marge: Grandpa, you said that about all the presents.
Abe: I just want attention.

Abe: That doll is EVIL, I tells ya. Evil! Eeeeeeviillll!!!
Marge: Grandpa, you said that about all the presents.
Abe: I just want attention.


Grandpa: Big deal! When I was a pup, we got spanked by presidents 'til the cows came home! Grover Cleveland spanked me on two non-consecutive occasions!

[BORN2RIDE]

Cletus

Wife: Now Cletus, why did ya haf to park next to my parents?
Cletus: Now, Now, Hun, they're my parents too...

Cletus: Hey slow down I wants to talk to ya! Give us 300 pretzels!
Marge (talking to Homer): Your see, a little persistence and patience, paid off.
That'll be 300 dollars!
Cletus: I dont think so, you see I got 300 coupons.
Marge: hmmm, I should of set limit one per customer.
Cletus: Shoulda but didn't. Ok, now hand them over!
HEY KIDS! WE EATIN DINNER TONIGHT! CMON!
Tiffany, Heather, Cody, Dillan, Dermit, Jordan, Tailor, Brittney, Wesley, Rumor, Skyle, Cassidy, Zoe, Cloe, Max, Hunter, Kendel, Katelyn, Noah, Sasha, Morgan, Kira, Ean, Lauren, Kubert, Phil!

[BORN2RIDE]

Duff Man... i have pages of these.... over a weekend i watch 12 hrs of simpsons

Duffman: Hey Duff lovers! Does anyone in this bar loooove Duff?
Carl: Hey, it's Duffman!
Lenny: Newsweek said you died of liver failure.
Duffman: Duffman can never die, only the actors who play him. Ooh yeah!

Duffman: Duffman wants to party down with the man who sent in 10,000 Duff labels to bring me here today. I've got a bottomless mug of new Duff Extra Cold for, Barney Gumbel!
All: Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!
Barney: I can't, I'm the designated driver!
(Everything stops)
Duffman: Yeah that's swell, Duff wholeheartedly supports the designated driver program. Now! Who wants to Party!

Duffman: New feelings brewing inside Duffman... What... WOULD JESUS DO?!

[redbull_fmx]

when homer thinks bart is gay thats a piss funny episode

[BORN2RIDE]

hans

(Apu comes back to his store after closing it down for 5 minutes – Hans is waiting) Hans Moleman: You cost me 5 minutes of my life and I want them back!
Apu: I am sorry, sir.
Hans Moleman: Never mind, I would have just wasted them anyway.


College girl: She's worse than that 80 year old who pretended to be a freshman.
Hans Moleman: I just wanted a place to sit down...

[BORN2RIDE]

Homer: Yeah, Moe, that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked!
Marge: HOMER!
Homer: I gotta go Moe my damn weiner kids are listening.

Homer: Lisa, would you like a donut?
Lisa: No thanks. Do you have any fruit?
Homer: This has purple in it. Purple is a fruit

Homer: Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

Marge: This is the worst thing you've ever done.
Homer: You say that so often that it lost its meaning.

Homer: Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as mud wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such.

Homer: Aw, twenty dollars! I wanted a peanut!
Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts!
Homer: Explain how!
Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services!
Homer: Woo-hoo!

Marge: Homer! There's someone here who can help you...
Homer: Is it Batman?
Marge: No, he's a scientist.
Homer: Batman's a scientist?!
Marge: It's not Batman!

Kent Brockman: We win again. But the real winners here are Marge's Hors D'Oeuvres.
Homer: How do you come up with such witty remarks?
[focuses in on ear plug/mic]
Guy in the van: I guess you could say its my racket.
Kent Brockman: I guess you could say I'm Iraqi.
Homer: Get off my property.

Burns: I suggest you leave immediately
Homer: Or what? You'll release the dogs or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouths and when they bark they shoot bees at you?

Homer: [Looking at a globe map...country being Uruguay]
Hee hee! Look at this country! 'You are gay.'

Homer: I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed around a city, keeping its speed over fifty and if its speed dropped, it would explode! I think it was called ... "The Bus That Couldnt Slow Down."

Homer: I do have a story about two other young marrieds. Now, the wife of this couple had an interesting quirk in the bedroom. It seems she goes wild with desire if her husband nibbles on her elbow.
Mrs. Krabappel: We need names.
Homer: Well, er, let's just call them, uh, "Mr. X" and "Mrs. Y." So anyway, Mr. X would say, "Marge, if this doesn't get your motor running, my name isn't Homer J. Simpson."

Homer: Okay Marge, its your child against my child. The winner will be showered with praise. The loser will be taunted and booed until my throat is sore.

Homer: Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races

[Santa's Little Helper goes off running with George Bush, leaving Homer all alone]
Homer: I guess you might say he's barking up the wrong Bush.
Homer's Brain: There it is, Homer. The cleverest thing you'll ever say and nobody heard it.
Homer: D'oh.

Homer: Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!

Homer: Got any of that beer that has candy floating in it? You know, Skittlebrau?
Apu: Such a beer does not exist, sir. I think you must have dreamed it.
Homer: Oh. Well, then just give me a six-pack and a couple of bags of Skittles.

Homer: Marge, you being a cop makes you the man! Which makes me the woman - and I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing.

Homer: Now this next song goes out to a very specail lady .. she's over 2, 000 feet tall and weighs over a 1,000 tons.
Man: Oh my god, this monsterous woman will devour us all! (dives away into the ocean)
Homer: I was talking about the statue ...

Homer: Well, what do you think, Marge? All I need is a title. I was thinking along the lines of... No TV and no beer make Homer something something.
Marge: Go crazy?
Homer: Don't mind if I do!

Homer (sung to the Flintstones song): Simpson! Homer Simpson! He's the greatest guy in history. From the, Town of Springfield! He's about to hit a chestnut tree! hits tree

Marge: Homer, you don't have to pray outloud.
Homer: But he's way the hell up there!

Homer: I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T! I mean S-M-A-R-T...

Homer: The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor, and it's time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!

Mother Simpson: [sings] How many roads must a man walk down / Before you can call him a man...
Homer: Seven.
Lisa: No, dad, it's a rhetorical question.
Homer: OK, eight.
Lisa: Dad, do you even know what "rhetorical" means?
Homer: Do *I* know what "rhetorical" means?

Bart: I am through with working. Working is for chumps.
Homer: Son, I'm proud of you! I was twice your age when I figured that out

Homer: A woman is a lot like a refrigerator. 6 feet tall, 300 pounds ... it makes ice.

Homer: Bart, I'm not asking you to give blood for free. That would be crazy. You may not realize it now, but when you save a rich guy's life, he showers you with riches. Don't you know the story of Hercules and the Lion?
Bart: Is it a Bible story?
Homer: Yeah, probably. Anyway, once upon a time, there was a big, mean lion who got a thorn in his paw. All the villagers tried to pull it out, but nobody was strong enough, so they got Hercules and he used his mighty strength, and bingo. Anyway, the moral is, is that the lion was so happy, that he gave Hercules this big... thing... of riches.
Bart: How did a lion get riches?
Homer: It was the olden days.
Bart: Oh.

Homer: You couldn't fool your own mother on the foolingest day of your life with an electrified fooling machine!

Homer: Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true! 72% of all people know that

Homer: When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power ... like God must feel when he's holding a gun.

Lisa: Dad, don't you think you're overreacting?
Homer: Don't you think you're *under*reacting?
Lisa: This conversation is over.
Homer: This conversation is *under*.
Lisa: Goodbye.
Homer: *bad*bye

Homer: The lesson is: Our God is vengeful! O spiteful one, show me who to smite and they shall be smoten.

Frink: ...and these (handing books to Homer) should give you the grounding you'll need in thermodynamics, hypermathematics and of course microcalifragalistics.
Homer: Er, look, I just want to know how to invent things.
Frink: All you have to do is think of things which people need but which don't exist yet.
Homer: You mean like an electric blanket-mobile?
Frink: Www oh well, possibly. Or you could take something that already exists and find a new use for it, like...
Homer: Hamburger earmuffs.
Frink: Mmm well, I suppose that would qualify.
Homer: Thanks sucker. (Homer throws the books and runs off)
Frink: Weh, uh, alright just stay calm Frinky. These babies will be in the stores while he's still grappling with the pickle matrix bhay-gn-flay-vn.


Marge: I'm worried about the kids, Homey. Lisa's becoming very obsessive. This morning I caught her trying to dissect her own raincoat.
Homer: I know. And this perpetual-motion machine she made today is a joke. It just keeps going faster and faster.
Marge: And Bart isn't doing very well either. He needs boundaries and structure. There's something about flying a kite at night that's so unwholesome.
[Looks out window]
Bart: [creepily] Hello, mother dear.
Marge: That's it, we have to get them back to school.
Homer: I'm with you, Marge. Lisa. Get in here.
[Lisa walks in]
Homer: In this house, we obey the laws of thermodynamics.

Homer: All normal people love meat. If I went to a barbeque and there was no meat, I would say 'Yo Goober! Where's the meat!?'. I'm trying to impress people here Lisa. You don't win friends with salad.
Homer: YOU DONT WIN FRIENDS WITH SALAD, YOU DONT WIN FRIENDS WITH SALAD, [Bart chimes in] YOU DONT WIN FRIENDS WITH SALAD, YOU DONT WIN FRIENDS WITH SALAD, YOU DONT WIN FRIENDS WITH SALAD, YOU DONT WIN FRIENDS WITH SALAD, {tthen marge] YOU DONT WIN FRIENDS WITH SALAD, sorry lisa, i dont mean 2 take sides i just got caught up in the rythm

[BORN2RIDE]

ok after writing/reseached that novel i think i should change threads, im going crazy

[BORN2RIDE]

aerosmith walk into moes:
hey moe, hey moe HEY MOE.... if u have seen it u will realsise how funny it is

[BORN2RIDE]

Moe...

Moe: I'm better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt, not that fancy store-bought dirt... I can't compete with that stuff.

Moe: They think they're so high and mighty, just because they never got caught driving without pants

Renee (Moe’s girlfriend): Really, you think I’m gorgeous?
Moe: Yeah, well the parts that are showing. I guess you could have a lot of weird scars or a fake ass or something.
Renee: You don’t talk to a lot of women do you?

Moe: Hi, my name's Moe. Or as the ladies like to refer to me, 'hey you in the bushes'

Ned Flanders: You ugly hate-filled man.
Moe: Hey. I may be ugly and I may be hate-filled but ... uh ... what was that last thing you said?

Moe: Call this an unfair generalization if you must, but old people are no good at everything.

Rex Banner: What kind of pet shop is filled with rambuncious yahoos and hot jazz music at 1AM?
Moe: The best damn pet shop in town.
Rex Banner: Ok, Remember, baby aligators may seem like a cute pet, but remember, Aligators grow up

Homer: Moe, I need your advice.
Moe: Yeah?
Homer: See, I got this friend named... Joey Jo Jo... Junior... Shabadoo.
Moe: That's the worst name I ever heard.
Joey runs out of the bar sobbing
Barney: Hey! Joey Jo Jo!

[saosinfmx13]

homer runs out side naked
flanders yells out hey homie i can see your doodle

[Bailey]

i rekon a cool ones when homer and flanders are stuck in some boat in the middle of the ocean in some liferaft and some seagull flies over them and flanders says "e must be close to land if theres seagulls"and then he says "sagulls only come right out to sea to die"and then it drops dead funny stuff and then in the same episode some plane flies over to save them and Flanders says "shoot the flare so the plane can see us Homer" and homer shoots the flare and he shoots the plane down hahahaha.......

[Bailey]

By the way do many people like the family man? its piss funny te babies the funniest.

[ad_man53]

family guy, yeah it's good

[ad_man53]

Flanders-looks like ur missing a piece
Homer-looks like ur missing a wife

[Bailey]

Originally posted by Bailey
By the way do many people like the family guy? its piss funny the babies the funniest post up some funny moments from that as well.

[Slur666]

"hello my name is mr burns, i believe u have some mail for me"
"ok mr burns whats ur first name?"
"i.......dont know"

[METAL_MULISHA13]

Originally posted by Slur666
"hello my name is mr burns, i believe u have some mail for me"
"ok mr burns whats ur first name?"
"i.......dont know"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH PMSL!!!! Hahah i remember that one hahah!

What about the Burns Casino one?

Homer goes, "No, No! You must stay!" Some gambler says "No im leaving!" Homer grabs his arm and pulls him back, then the gambler stars making stupid noises. So then Homer copies. LMAO!

[Skeletor666]

how bart writes his name on the a wall El Barto and homer goes if ur el Barto i'm el homo. ROFL hahhaha. and in that episode how homers goes up to some ladies and starts doing movine really wierd and marge goes homer must be flirting with those women. and then homer finishes moving and says well thats how marge had lisa. it's a bit hard to explain but funny as

[gazza]

When homer is tryin to build his bbq, he looks at the piece of paper, thats a fine lookin bbq, looks at his all wrong and starts yellin why isn't mine like that!! funny if you've seen it......

[Bailey]

This is really funny but its cool when some commentator says about Bart "when his not in class his risking his ass."

[Axel57]

I like when bart has been writing love letters to his teacher and then Marge, Homer, bart and lisa sit down trying to write a letter of goodbye and homer says " Welcome to Dumpville, Population You" and then later on he says 3 simple words" I Am Gay". Then they finally finish and he says "P.S I Am Gay"

[BORN2RIDE]

family guy is awesome, but nutting beats the simpsons

[FREESTYLEMX17]

Troy Mccluere "now ill leave u with what we all came to c ******** NUDITY"

[FoXRaCiNG.2]

this is were homer lives with the homo's

homer: thats the best kiss i've had all night...or was it?
marge: what are you thinking homer?
homer manly thoughts manly thoughts!!!!

lol i dunno why but thats a cracka for me.

[Skeletor666]

lol in that one. how they say can we walk around naked. and homer goes way ahead of ya. and then goes in to the pantry and the gay says did he just go into the pantry. and the other goes My spices

[mx_rulz]

Nope family guy is way better than the simpsons in my opinion lol...i dont wanna fight i just wanna enjoy animated childish shows lol....
peter griffin is so stupid lol and the baby (stewie) is awesome.

[FoXRaCiNG.2]

stewie ia a champ man. i love the family guy. its a funny as show

[BORN2RIDE]

yeah family guy is funnier 4 sure but i think simpsons is still better... its a legend... but family guy kicks ass

[FREESTYLEMX17]

"shut up flanders" "okalidokaly"
Homer "another whooper for the copper"

Homer"Why rnt u talkin moe, moe...moe ,, r u thinkin about all the money u lost moe.. is it all the money u lost..moe... moe"
thats a cracker

"when i say hello mr thompson and step on ur foot u say hello"
Homer: "I think hes talkin to u"

[mezza_fmx]

or when moe make the family restraunt and and he gets the deep frier
moe:this baby can cook up a buffalo in 30seconds
homer:ohh but i want one now!

[ad_man53]

Chick-Hellloooo Hansome
Bart-Whats up cootie breath


Homer-when competing in sporting events son, it not wether u win or lose, it's how drunk you get

Guy-well it is and it isn't, if u understand what i mean
Homer-..........................He likes peanuts

[hoppa24]

any thing with duffman in it!! that bloke is a legend! oh yeah!

[Skeletor666]

god can u hear me this is DUFFMAN

[tc_fmx]

hahahahahaha the simpsons are the BEST!!!!!!

[Skeletor666]

if he's Duffman i must be jesus Up Up and Away. thats heaps funny.

[ad_man53]

??-Sir, the other customers need to use the dressing room,
Homer-dressing room....... Uh Oh.

*Shows his pants around his ankles*

[tc_fmx]

Homer walks out of the toilet after the navy ship has been takin over by some sphyco........BART: Dad LT.(whatever his name is) has gone mad....
HOMER:hehehe(watchin go mad) yeah....look at him......

[mezza_fmx]

hahah when homer see tht fat little german kid in that ice hockey episode
homer: hehehehe look at that little fat kid some body give me a towl(starts chasing the fat german kid around the room n is whipping him with the towl
germen kid: please mister simpson dont make me run i am full of chocolate



and when he sees that poodle

homer:heheh look theres a little dog with a puffy tail(starts chasing it around) saying here puff he he here puff here puff hehe here puff

[Skeletor666]

how bart is in the dressing room and the camera follow him and he says get bent. then the two security guards go look there not the socks that girl came in with lets role and they get the shot guns. lol hahahahaha

[FREESTYLEMX17]

The one where they r in that witness protection thing

Homer: "house boats r good cause if u dont like ur neighbours u can just always move away" and every1 just shoots off

[BORN2RIDE]

mick jager- cheer up homer, it only rock camp
homer- but i like it.

Mick jagger- now all u have to do is make it past the groupies...

*looks backs, sees the whole rock camp making out with groupies*

MJ- Theyre freaking cardboard
Homer- We know
*goes back 2 his kissing*

[FREESTYLEMX17]

I saw the funniest episode where homer has to look after Mr burns, and he get cirn flakes and puts milk into them and they set on fire, :D:D:D:D funny funny funny

[METAL_MULISHA13]

Originally posted by mezza_fmx
hahah when homer see tht fat little german kid in that ice hockey episode
homer: hehehehe look at that little fat kid some body give me a towl(starts chasing the fat german kid around the room n is whipping him with the towl
germen kid: please mister simpson dont make me run i am full of chocolate



and when he sees that poodle

homer:heheh look theres a little dog with a puffy tail(starts chasing it around) saying here puff he he here puff here puff hehe here puff

Homer: Just because she's different, doesnt mean you can....**GASP** Hehehe, that kids got bussom's hahaha, come here....

PMSL!!!!!!!! hahahahahahahhaahahahahahaahahahahaahahahahahahaha ah

[twisties]

there was a new episode on the other day n homers mum is teaching him how to ride a bike, and it shows him riding along infront of the house wobling along, and then it shows him going down the exit ramp of a freeway backwards and theres this huge semi trailer coming at hime and like a million cars flying past on the freeway and all you can hear is homer screaming hahahaahah

[I_Bleed_blue]

simpsons is good but i reckon family guy is better...or futurama! lol

milhouse: hey mrs simpson....is bart home?"
marge: "sorry milhouse he isnt home"
millhouse: "oh ok........can you make me some gello?"
marge get outta here van houton" *gets broom* hahaha

steve and i have a different version of that, haha it never gets old:P

non simpsons:

futurama:
*fry gets an ad in his brain*
"oh my god! now ill never get back to slee..."*snore*

family guy

news reporter: "hello and welcome to the 83rd anual co-hog harvest festivle parade. are you as exited as i am tom?"
other reporter: "are you kidding tracy? ive got wood! and clipped onto this piece of wood is a list of this years co-hog entries"

[banditt1]

family guy is good only due to stewy hes a legend and i luv the way he talks to his mum

[ad_man53]

Family guy,

Now kids, go down stairs and drink the antifreeze in the carage
Ha ha, i'm gonna drink it all so there's none left for you.

Wow, look at that, one of lifes wonder's
It's a damn bag caught in a up draft, do u have any idea how complex ur circulatory system is

[Shifty]

My favorite is the one where Homer is in the magic shop or whatever looking for a present for Bart. I don't really remember how it goes, but it ends up something like:

Man: the doll is cursed
Homer: that's bad
Man: but it comes with your choice of frozen yogurt, which i like to call 'frogurt'
Homer: that's good
Man: the frogurt contains *insert random chemical name here*
Homer: ..................?
Man: That's bad

it's been so long, i don't actually remember how it really goes. :p

[FREESTYLEMX17]

OMG I THOUGHT OF A PISSA

where vart is baby stink breathe and tryin to get his money off home and hes like
"i used the money to buy some incriminating photo's." and he is holdin bart when he is a baby oover the balcony like micheal jackson and drops him
and then hes like
" if u show them backwards daddys a hero, look im a hero"
hahahahah

[Duncan]

i reckon family guy is better, simpsons is still hell funny but family guy is more mature comedy. post up more from family guy..

[FREESTYLEMX17]

nah get a different thread if ya wanna talk about family guy, this is the simpsons thread, it will just be easy to undertand

[punk_bun-e_mich]

ok after reading the simpsons quotes and then searching if there was a thread yet i decided it was time we started a family guy thread! hehe its like my fav show ever hehehe i have season 1 and 2 on dvd hoorah soo lets here ya quote!!:

stewie: and you lost your virginity to a mechanical bull now CHANGE ME!!

lois: peter did u get a new bottocks?
peter: i had to.. the old one had a crack in it. .. haha

cleveland: why dont you just suck the fat out of him
peter: if you find a hole on the boy you want to put your lips on.. go ahead!

quagmire: id do anything to you lois
lois: wat?
quagmire: id do anything for you lois..


meg:wow chris.. you look wicked skinny.. im like jealous!
chris: thanks meg! im jealous of your moustache
meg: i dont have a moustache? do i mum??
lois: it makes you look distinguished!

Joe: hey neighbour! wheres your boat??
Lois: we didnt get the boat.. we took the mystery box.. HOP IN!!

[mulishaktm]

i love the episode wen there sitting down eating dinner and smithers walks in the house and goes "i think maggie murdered mr burns"....and everythings quiet and homer coughs...bahahahahahahahaha

[Obsolete]

That shows awsome ive seen all of season 1-3. my favourite part is in season 2. The episode called "wasted Talent" were peter goes to willie wonkers chocolate factory. were he gets the golden ticket then runs home and trips, then stays on the ground for bout 4 minutes striaght just wineing.


http://img165.exs.cx/img165/3332/familyguy0wned9bs.jpg

[ad_man53]

Professor Fink-This rock contains carbon based molecules, i might be able to prove the existence of life on other planets.
Alien-(jumps out of rock) SHUT UP (then picks up rock and jumps away)


Homer-This is the first worth while thing i've ever made besides lisa
Maggie-(Gives funny look)
Homer-Prove me wrong silent bob

[punk_bun-e_mich]

aaaaaahahahaha omg yes!! that part is so funny!! haha... i love that bit too when he tries to get Lois to drink the beer then he pretends to leave the room.. runs behind her and forces beer down her throat! hehe.. gold!! all gold!! love that show its pure class!

[punk_bun-e_mich]

hehehe im watching that episode "we have a weiner" at the moment and it just got to the bit where peter is trying to convince himself he is better then chris.. hehehe then they go into the sauner and peter spots chris's wang haha and he is like "wats with your leg.... thats not your leg!!"... haha then he is in bed with lois ...
peter: "thanks to you our son has a huge wang!"

[ad_man53]

Peter-I couldn't possibley of stolen the trophie because last night i was stealing Joe's (Guy in the wheelchair) Ladder so i could steal it tonight.
Louis-PETER!!
Peter-What it's a ladder, he can't possible use it, it's like stealing a watch from a dead guy.

[ad_man53]

Death-(in a car rocking side to side)Oh Sandy, Oh Sandy. (she dies, Car stops rocking) Sandy?, Oh not again i'm gonna be a virgin for ever.
Or am I(car starts rocking again)


Pete- No way,there is no way i am gonna do ur dirty work,
Pete- Yep see there is nothing u can say that will make me change my mind
Death- Either u kill them or i kill you
Pete- Oh crap

[ad_man53]

Martin- um sir, Why don't u just use real cows,
Movie guy- Because cows don't look like cows on the screen,
Ralph- But what if u want something that looks likea horse,
Movie guy- Usually we just tape a bunch of cats together

[mulishatroop#69]

mine is where someone tells a joke and homer goes all silent and bart says its a joke dad and then homer goes goes "oh a joke i get jokes" lol thats funny like a hampster with tooth paste

[Rosie125]

Grampa simpson: he was wearing sneakers...................................for sneaking!!!

[Duncan]

Family Guy

Meg: Chris your hogging all the fans
Chris: Well your hogging all the.....UGLY!!!!


when death goes to take peter away and stewie invites him in to have dinner
death swallows chicken leg whole
Meg: wow how did you do that???
Death: well, lets just say,,,, when i was younger i did a couple or films im not entirely proud of

when at child welfare place to get stewie back theres a lady infront of them
Mrs Stevens says her name and the guy behind the counter searches thru a filing cabinet and gets her baby
Mrs Stevens: i promise it will never happen again
guy from child welfare: i hope not Mrs Stevens, coz next time we wont just take your baby, We'll kill him

[Robbo66]

*sarcastic homer voice*

Homer: "hello dean, u r a stupid head"
Dean: "homer is that you?" *looks out window, with homer at pay phone*
Homer: "AHH!"
_____

Homer: "who's got a wet towel?.......come here butter ball"
Little Fat German Kid: "please don't chase me, i'm full of chocolate!"

_____

Homer: Hello, my name is Mr Burns, i beleive you have a letter for me

Postal worker: ok Mr Burns, whats your first name

Homer:.......I... dont know
_____


homer: ohhh i don't feel so good. maybe i shouldn't have eaten that packet of gravy mix i found in the parking lot.


____

Homer: Marge? Since I'm not talking to Lisa, would you please ask her to pass me the syrup?
Marge: Dear, please pass your father the syrup, Lisa.
Lisa: Bart, tell Dad I will only pass the syrup if it won't be used on any meat product.
Bart: You dunkin' your sausages in that syrup homeboy?
Homer: Marge, tell Bart I just want to drink a nice glass of syrup like I do every morning.
Marge: Tell him yourself, you're ignoring Lisa, not Bart.
Homer: Bart, thank your mother for pointing that out.
Marge: Homer, you're not not-talking to me and secondly I heard what you said.
Homer: Lisa, tell your mother to get off my case.
Bart: Uhhh, dad, Lisa's the one you're not talking to.
Homer: Bart, go to your room.
____

Scully: Homer, we're going to ask you a few simple yes or no questions. Do you understand?
Homer: Yes. (lie dectector blows up)

____

Marge: Homer, the plant called. They said if you don't show up tomorrow don't bother showing up on Monday.
Homer: Woo-hoo. Four-day weekend.

____

Homer: I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman.

____

Marge: Homer! There's someone here who can help you...
Homer: Is it Batman?
Marge: No, he's a scientist.
Homer: Batman's a scientist?!
Marge: It's not Batman!

____

Homer: Yeah, Moe, that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked!
Marge: HOMER!
Homer: I gotta go Moe my damn weiner kids are listening.

____

Homer: How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?

____

Bart: b-6
Homer: you sunk my scrabbleship!
Lisa: this game makes no sense.
Homer: tell that to the good men who just lost their lives... SEMPER-FI!

____

Burns: I suggest you leave immediately
Homer: Or what? You'll release the dogs or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouths and when they bark they shoot bees at you?

____


SNAKE: Would a coward do this...(runs off)
SNAKE: Bye

____

LOL! Damn I love the simspons.

[Rosie125]

homer: i challenge you to a dual....

a hah, i demand satisfaction! go homey! (glove slap episode)

[ad_man53]

Homer-Bart, u didn't finish ur spaghetti and moe balls
Homers Brain-Quite fool, they can be ours
Homer-Run boy,run for you life.

[Rosie125]

a hah, that was on this morn lol

bart sold his soul

[ad_man53]

Chris-ok Meg, this time i'm thinking of a word and it's definatly not kitty.
Meg-is it kitty
Chris-urghh, get out of my head, GET OUT OF MY HEAD

[SkyeMX]

Principle Skinner... I ate my crayon......

[Robbo66]

Homer: Well you can sit there and eat lots of dog food until your breathe smells like dog food and he will come running back or you can go out there and get your dog!
Bart: Your right! *bart runs off*.
Homer: Damn! I almost had him eating dog food!

-quote isn't 100% correct, but you get the idea-

[The Snitz]

"Well you can sit there and eat lots of dog food until you cry and your tears smell like dog food and he'l come back, or you can go out there and find your dog"

;)

I haven't even looked at this thread!! I can't believe I've been on holidays and didn't get to see it!

Well if Brad was here, and Andy too... we'd take you guys to school on quotes lol.

Ah well how about I leave you with one from my favourite episode - The Chilli Episode

Homer monologue -

Oohhh the sand bunker must have been the desert...
ooohhhh and the pyramid must have been the Pro shop.....
And that talking coyote must have been that talking dog

Dog - Hi Homer... Find your soulmate

Homer - Wait a minute!! Dogs don't talk!!

Woof Woof

Homer - Damn Straight!!

[GStylEr]

Flanders: Homer I think we just hit something...
Homer: Haha, I hope it's Flanders!

Stuie: Good news Flappy! I'm not going to kill you!

Stuie: I was making radio shows... Everybody does it... Well, everybody I know SHUTUP!

Stuie: What the hell are you doing those are my gram crackers!
Peter: Run along Stuie daddy had a rough night...
Stuie: Why you tottering fen-sucked dewberry, I'm going to go find something to strike you with, excuse me!

[I_Bleed_blue]

hahahah stuies addicted to crack is the best episode!

[Robbo66]

Hahaha. Thanks Steve. I knew I was close.

[ad_man53]

*running through the bush, army man everywhere*
Peter- See you are all stupid, there gonna be looking for army guys
*Peter comes out in a yellow clown suit*

[Todd106]

SIMPSONS,

homer: blue m&m's red m&m's, there all the same colour when they come out the end.
the episode where the x-file people come.

[FREESTYLEMX17]

Simpsons-homer
Save me jebus

[cr_fmx]

wiggum:man look at all them hot pants

lenny:hey who likes short short

ppl:we like short shorts

[ad_man53]

Willie-I gotta save the wee turtles, if i don't then who will?



ARGGHH!!, save me from the wee turtles, they were too quick for me

[shiftprincess]

has anyone seen the episiode where Otto seen someone acting crazy.. and then says "I want whatever their on and put it in a needle and jam it between my toes... coz my mom checks my arms now".. well something along those lines..

hahhaha... I was kinda shocked when I heard that one!

[Dopefiend]

I liked this one off familt guy the other night....

"Peter, Are you drunk again...??"
"No, I'm just Exhausted cause i been out all night drinking"

[emotefmx1]

i like the family guy one..
PETER: is this really the blood of christ (drinkin the wine at church)
PRIEST: yes
PETER: really
PRIEST: yes
PETER: jees that guy must of bin wasted 24/7

[emotefmx1]

or the one how the y2k bug.
PETER: kids put ur suits on (peter has a spce like suit on)
CHRIS: o no the goverment is here run ET run...
E.T: naaaaaaarrhhh